i wonder what waking up happy feels like. everyday has started out bad. i keep trying to see the positive in all of this but i keep only focusing on the negative and i just want to go back to dec 22-28. because i couldn't have been happier then. but now i just feel like shit. every morning and every night and every time i'm near a phone or a computer. or every time a commercial for paranormal activity comes on or every time i think, i think about her. and the worst part is, i can't not talk to her because that would only be worse. either way i'm fucked and this is a circle of revolving shit feeling because she was just so perfect for me. this sucks. a lot. i really thought for a minute that this was a sure thing and i was about to be the happiest i'd been in over a year, but why would it go my way? why would anything good happen to me? who really gives a shit anyway because every female i have ever let in my life has taken and used every kind thing i've done and i can't hate any of them because i am a pussy with no self conviction. what a great way to start a day.