when i'm holding her and kissing her everything feels right.
i know this is right.
this is right.

the happy is back

i stopped reading into things and i'm just living day to day and i'm pretty happy. i read a blog about me today that was posted on 1/20/09 by mike hitchcock and he said that i should get the fuck over myself or some shit like that. at least i don't love myself way too much broski. if i wasn't lazy, i'd post the link to it. i just want to headbutt him. not punch or kick or anything like that, just headbutt and bounce. do you ever get that feeling? like you want to headbutt somebody? oh and i'm pretty stoked that thieving is a word, because its my favorite word to use. I also realized that i like being called michael. I hate verizon sometimes. I like the new Sleeping album and the new NFG album. I like going rare fast food hunting with AJ and Matt C. and i like playing the uke. i hate being sick. i love being edge. i like being humble. i like being black. i like to to the carlton banks dance. i like making you wonder why i posted this blog and why i continue to add things to the list of the things i like and don't like and i like the fact that cait and mike will read this shit and be like WTF?! F Q! U GAI! and i'll just be at fox and hound ordering a black and blue burger and free sodies and cat calling. lolies? i think so

questions.

you said i make you laugh?
well you make my heart sing...

i'm always over-analytical. always. i've spent my life reading too much into things. but i know that there is something here. she said it. i would have never thought it unless she said it. she said she likes me. she tells me i'm different. she tells me that i'm sweet. she says she has feelings for me. and she wants to see where this goes.

she also tells me that she doesn't want to break a promise to her boyfriend...
that's the last text i got before i fell asleep last night. i want to know what i'm getting myself into? how is this going to end? what if we end up together and then he comes back from boot camp and she goes right back to him? what if the only reason she likes me is because he is gone?

i know i love spending time with her and talking to her. i know that i'm really comfortable around her. i know that i like feeling butterflies when i'm around her or when i talk to her or just when i look at her. its so stupid and cliche, but her smile from last night is stuck in my head, and sometimes find myself staring at her, i can't help it. i didn't want last night to end. i didn't want to bring her home. i didn't want to wake up without her this morning.

this is making me sick because i know that it is not going to end well.
no matter what.
it will not end well.
now i'm anxious and she is off somewhere drinking and not worrying like i am because she doesn't have to...

and thats another thing, it usually bothers me when girls i talk to party a lot, but it doesn't piss me off with her. things that should be upsetting me aren't. and abby really liked her, it was weird, abby usually growls at every person besides me who enters my room, but within five minutes, abby was laying on top of her asking for belly rubs.

this is taking up too much of my brain, but i think shes worth the space and the time and the worry because she is 100% different from every girl i have ever had any type of feelings for.

i said i wouldn't get my hopes up. but its too late. i did. and i have feeling that i am going to fall hard.
i'll find out tomorrow i guess.

so far so good!

i honestly can not complain about anything right now.
1. i'm making money
2. a cute girl makes me smile more everyday.
3. i have a date with a cute girl on valentines day!
4. i have a new phone.
5. life is good.

i feel great
i haven't felt this good in months.
i really honestly can not complain!

notes for friends who are blind.

i found it, although not so easily
i lost it for awhile,
somewhere in between the lies and liars,
so i was lead astray.
i walked the wrong way for too long.
it was quite umbecoming,
i looked like a fool.
i ran in circles, i gave it my all.
but i am stronger than that now.
i am bigger than that now.
so, i am no longer alone,
the whole world embraces me.
the whole world tells me that i am not so low.
i am not so low.
in fact, she blows you out of the water.
you are nothing.
you are weaker than me now.
you are smaller than me now.
the whole world shuns you.
the whole world tells you that you are so low.
you are so low.
in fact, he sinks in my wake.

fail.

not so much. man. i have a good feeling about this and that makes have a good feeling about life. i really hope i'm not wrong, but i usually am. so i'm not going to get my hopes up that high. we'll see.

whatever, i'll keep at it.


anyway, i decided to take this semester off and work as much as possible to save money and what not and go back to school when i have money to spare (which means in the summer). I shot archery for the first time last night, which was awesome. and the fact that i've been seeing dave a lot more is really cool. i've been feeling like writing a lot more recently, so expect something sometime soon.

this good mood i've been in feels good, so i hope it doesn't go away.

!

good things are happening!
happy happy happy

a temporary cardinals fan's blog

so, the past few days i've been like 95% happier than i had been in the past few months. not for any particular reason, i've just been happy. life isn't terrible and my room is clean. my car is sucking, but it runs. and i'm working more since im not in classes right now. its weird, i kept on wanting to be over cait, but i never got there, ill always miss what we had, no doubt, but now i am just dwelling on it and thats is never good. I gave my all in that relationship, so whatever, i'm over it. he can have her and her big ball of craziness and control. It feels good again to hang out with friends and do what the fuck i want to do rather than wait for her to get out work, or her to wake up or her to get home from school. i know, i know its been six months and i should've BEEN over her already but, i dated her for almost 3 years, i wanted to marry her at one point, so i think you can understand why it took so long for me to get to the point i'm at now. she got there quicker because she had a old man and a douche bag and a family that supports everything she does to fall back on. i mean i had friends, but by the time i was able to hang out with them again they all had girlfriends or boyfriends that they hung out with alot, so i was SOL. but now, i'm at the point where i am happy being single and hanging out with rob and joe and dave and erin and brad and luke again. I was lost for awhile, but i really am finding myself again and i feel good. and thanks to punchline for helping me get over this. because the song "somewhere in the dark" really chronicles the past few months of my life and how i really feel at this moment on 2/1/2009:
Somewhere in the dark, I wonder if you knew
How truly happy I was sitting next to you
Then you took the cat and car and drove away,
And I had to figure out how to be alone
I carried around my phone and waited for your call
It's funny, you needed me,
But now you don't need me at all
Now I do what I want, when I want
And you...
Well, I don't even know where you are

I've got some news
I might like it better without you, baby
What does that prove?
The moment's past, and I am fast asleep

(Heyyy)Now I play guitar,and hang out with my friends
I have your blue shirt, (blue shirt)It's still sitting by my bed
Strange how the scent makes it feel like you're here
But I like the blue shirt more than you

I've got some news
I might like it better without you, baby
What does that prove?
The moment's past, and I am fast asleep (Hey-ay)

Sooo...
I've got some news
I might like it better without you, baby
What does that prove?
The moment's past, and I forgot what I was singin' about!
I've got some news
I might like it better without you, baby!







that being said,
on super bowl sunday, i have to buy deodorant, laundry detergent, and a new shirt. lets go cards. keep it an NFC champion game. when does baseball season start now?