no thank you

He awoke to the stuanch, bitter air and he said to himself, "why should i ever wake up?" you can't hear your own thoughts in this city anymore and he knew it.

And I've shorted myself again, but I am no king and this is to be expected.

His first last words were something along the lines of, "if you're happy..." or "I would do anything for you" and that was his greatest downfall.

I can't breathe most days around mid-day or midnight. it's comes on randomly and with full aggression. I would work on this if I knew how but I just accept I can not change the inevitable and move on.

So he meandered through his daily routine, rarely, if ever, deviating from any motion besides the pre-thought out ones he was used to. Today is no different, he's always asked himself how he isn't dead yet.

I don't keep much to myself, in fact, I don't keep much of myself. I'm spread fairly, and unnervingly, thin. I'm worried that I'll let you down or you down or you down.

He doesn't do much besides beat himself up. Solitude isn't working for him, but nor is being social and outgoing. and if you think there is a happy medium between those lines, you're sadly mistaken my friend. He is a sick man, closet sick and destroyed from the failure of this america that has used up and sold his goodwill and best intentions for profit in a ponzi scheme where the profiteer is what could only be described as a devil in a suit and tie, or rather a devil with a pretty face.

And on days when I am this man, it is almost, no it is very, unbearable. I can hardly move. I only function on frail promises made a million years ago by someone who loved me until I hurt them and then they joined the party on the way out of my town. Someone who gave up on me when they realized that I can never be someone, anyone, worth two shits. but I am full of wisdom on these days because I can give this piece of advice. never be like me. never ever. don't even give it a thought. don't even look in my direction if you think that will greater your chances of just not wanting to be like me. in fact, don't even care about me, because you will only be let down. you will only be fucked over and you feel more hate than you've ever felt, and I am the cause, the catalyst and I will never change. only change my mask.