Saturday, February 27, 2010

sat-er-gai

so i had to get my windshield wipers fixed. only $38 bucks. not bad. thought it would be worse.

want to get tattooed again. but i won't.

also, it is official. i am addicted:

Friday, February 26, 2010

Dear Snow,

I HATE YOU.
thanks for ruining my first ever trip to Boston and my weekend in general. I officially hate winter.

love,
ran

Thursday, February 25, 2010

something some stuff

so i am sick yet again. sore throat, stuffy nose, achey. it's awesome. luckily i have off today because of the snow! so i'm resting and hoping that i'm okay for tomorrow. So the plans for tomorrow are Cody and Brad are coming to pick me up and we're heading up to New Hampshire (or New Hamster as one of the kids at work called it the other day) and spending Friday night there. Then we're shipping down to Boston in the AM to see Crime In Stereo, Defeater, Blacklisted, and Make Do and Mend! I'm super stoked.
Also I've been listening to this band called CLOUDKICKER a lot recently, they're an awesome instrumental band from ohio, if you get the chance, check them out @ . So uh, yeah. hopefully this weekend goes on without a hitch. keep your fingers crossed!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

February

life has been good to me so far this year

Monday, February 15, 2010

why do i never seem to learn that love is wrong and girls are fucking evil
i guess i'll never figure out what woman-kind is all about

Saturday, February 13, 2010

for valentines day


i got a new board! and i'm actually going to use it since i'll have someone to start skating with me again!

Friday, February 12, 2010

things making me sad

my life has been pretty awesome, but i had a talk with scott tonight about some serious things and it made me realize that some sad things are happening...for starters, this is my second valentines day alone. even though i went out last year it didn't mean a thing and i was truly alone anyone. i hate the feeling, i love valentines day, but not alone. my best friends are hitting a rough patch in their relationship and that makes me sad because it reminds me of me and cait at the end of that, and i don't want that to happen to anyone.(in the way that i acted or she acted). idk. it makes me sad how i used to be such good friends with dave and now we don't even talk. humans are so flawed, how can we stand each other's company for more than a mintue?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

snow day 2

so it's supposed to snow 18 inches by tomorrow afternoon, but do i ever stay off the roads!?!? no way!!! beer friends practice tonight for our friday night show.

my beard is growing! i'm not sure when i'll shave but this is what it looks like now:


the dogs have been in and out of the house today enjoying the snow. they're loving it! me not so much. I wish it would just be spring or summer already. here're a few photos from this morning:





i really can't wait for the next three weekends! especially my first trip to Boston ever!! good things!

Monday, February 8, 2010

more vocals in the monitor-the ergs

Shit was so much easier
Before you came around.
Before you changed things for the worse.
Before all these empty kisses,
Sorrows that I drown.
Who knew love was such a curse?

Shit was so much easier
Before the night that I first kissed you
Before i fell in love with you.

You won't be needing this no more.
You won't be needing this no more.
You won't be needing this old broken heart no.
No more.

Shit was so much easier
Before the night we met
Before you broke my fucking heart in two.
Shit was so much easier
Before you told me all those white lies.
Now what's a fool supposed to do?

Shit was so much easier
Before the night that I first kissed you
Before i fell in love with you.

You won't be needing this no more.
You won't be needing this no more.
You won't be needing this old broken heart no more.
No more.
No more.
No more.



that being said. i'm glad you're stupid. you deserve it!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

super bowl sunday




so I am currently watching the puppy bowl and looking at cute overload and maybe taking a nap. so far it's been a good day.

Besides that, Beer Friends, the musical project Scott and I thought up sometime last week has our first show on Friday! We'll have our songs recorded and t-shirts made. amazing how things come together. you can listen to some songs here: http://www.drop.io/brfrndzzz

most of the songs are only instrumental but one has scott on vocals. we're recording sometime before the show so we can hand out some CDs.

besides that!
i really wish i had a winter jacket! i should have asked for one for christmas, because wearing a windbreaker isn't helping! I looked for one in NYC yesterday but to no avail. I'm seriously excited for the next 3 weekends, it's going to be sooooo good. good moods all around!

also, someone find me skinny jeans that stretch that have a 28 length plz.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

do you believe in fate?

what a corny fucking title to this..
I haven't written anything of any lasting value for awhile and it makes this already pointless blog feel a bit empty, right?
While this post is fueled by the fact that I just re-watched the movie (500) Days of Summer, I feel that message I'm trying to convey will be clear.

I am a hopeless romantic. That sounds really cool right, like in the movies, where a guy runs after a girl as her bus is leaving, shit like that. It isn't cool, not at all. Because where any "bro" can meet a girl, hook-up with her and then never talk to her again, I have never done that and don't see it happening anytime in the near future. I fall for every girl I kiss, any girl who shows the least bit of interest in me.
PRELUDE
In my case, let's start with the first girl I ever made out with. Emily. I was 14(turning 15 in a month), and we were on a cruise to Canada. I had a crush on this girl from the moment I saw her walk past in the buffet(why the fuck do I remember this clearly!?).I spent the week on the cruise chasing her, subtly, while I was sure she liked this other guy there. Then the last night of the cruise it was 3 am and we were still out, sitting on some couch in one the lounge areas and she learned over and we kissed. It was amazing, although the kiss itself is a blur as it happened almost 8 years ago and it was 3 am at the time. But that's not the end of this story at all.

We exchanged e-mails(Gen X, it's what we did). She sent me an e-mail saying how much she liked me and how she wanted to hang out asap, but I lived central NJ and she lived in upstate NY and we had about 2 years before we were able to drive. Regardless, we agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I would break rules and give her long distances calls and spend all my mom's money on these calls.

2 weeks later:(again, my memory is too vivid)
Vacation number two for the summer. We went to some resort in Virginia for my step-dad's friend's retirement party(?). This was going to be the worst, but it fell on my birthday so I was cool with it. The place was pretty great, the cabin was awesome, the resort had a skatepark(who could ask for more?), but as far as human interaction, the pickens were slim.
The third night there was the guy's retirement dinner. While I sat at this round table in this banquet hall with old people I've never met, a girl walked in. She was stunning, the kind of girl that in any normal situation, would never talk to a 15(that day was my birthday, talk about a birthday present, but don't worry, we'll get there) year old skateboarder who looked as though he never bathed. So I sat in awe and admired from afar.
After the dinner was over, I went outside and put on my headphones(system of a down, gnarly) and read(lookin sophisticated) and continued to admire. I looked down at my book for a minute and then looked back up and she was standing in front of me (as was an excessively overweight friend who didn't realize her weight, i also can't remember her name).
While I don't quite the exact conversational details, I remember being invited to her room, to go in her hot tub. I told my mother of this interaction and the invitation and she was more than enthused to drive me to this rendevous. Being my nervous self, I did not bring a bathing suit.
When I got there, I knocked on the door and she opened it, my hear was pounding. The fat friend was sitting on the couch and math work was laid out across the coffee table(she had been doing homework). She asked why I hadn't brought my bathing suit, I told her I totally forgot, so we proceeded to play board games. After sometime, the fat friend made this suggestion:
"Let's play truth or dare!"
I don't remember much of the game, except the very end of that game, where Kate turned to her little cousin (who I guess she was watching), who was sitting at the kitchen table behind us, and said, "don't tell anyone!" and then turned back to me and, on the dare, kissed me, probably one of the best kisses I've had to date and that was the catalyst. For the next week, we hung out each day and kissed a lot.
On our last night together, things almost went to the next level if it hadn't been for some intrusive parents (and the fact the we were 15 and 13 years old respectively), but she gave me her number and convinced me that we were still going to see each other (after all, she lived in NJ).
When I was home, I told my best friend at the time, Kevin, that I was in love. I scarcely talked to Emily anymore.I even made it into Kate's AOL profile.
This great feeling was short lived. Roughly a week later, I was removed from Kate's profile and replaced by another boy's name(probably tall and dark and handsome not short and weird and dirty). I imed her and asked her what the deal was and she told me flat out that I was just a hook-up, a summer fling(She was 2 years younger than me and understood the art of the hook-up more than I did, or ever will for that matter).And that was that.
STORYLINESUCKS
Now you are probably what the point of that prelude was, besides complete shinfo. I wanted to prove that love always takes shotgun in relationships with me. I never meet a girl and think, "oh man, I plan on fucking the shit out of her and then never talk to her again." I fall in love and then let it engulf me. After my great summer of unintentional hooking up, I met and Danielle and dated her for 2 years and I'm pretty sure I loved her (although since me, it seems like she has a new boyfriend every week). Then after Danielle, I really didn't have anyone I was truly in love with until Cait. I mean, in a way, I'm still getting over Cait. She was a huge part of my 22 years on this earth. And I screwed up and she's over me and that's okay. I understand that, but she'll always have a part of me. These two cases prove that I don't just jump from relationship to relationship.
But I made the exact same mistake that led towards the end of both of the relationships. In fact, if you compare side by side the two endings, they're almost a mirror image.
With Danielle, it was Cait(a different Cait than the one I loved) and with Cait, it was Ilyssa. Now I would never cheat, I don't have the balls, but I liked to flirt and these two girls (Cait2 and Ilyssa) would flirt back. I guess I needed to be reassured that I still "had it". Even when I was blessed with a great relationship. And I was fucking terrible at concealing my misdeeds(not that my lack of skill in concealing my short-comings makes them excusable) and I was found out both times and for both Danielle and Cait, that was the last straw. And for both, the break up was rough and a lot of yelling and a lot of "never talking to you again"(and one "i'm really not talking to you again and the law says so").
This is all over the place right now, but the point of it is that since the demise of Cait and I, I've been looking for an adequate replacement for that job. Not some girl to just date, but some girl to be in love with. Which leads me to part 3 in the saga:

whatthefuckiswrongwithme?

For my regular readers(HAHA), you will know most of this part since is chronicled throughout this blog. but I will go into a bit more depth or not...either way read on.

1. Courtney
My first venture beyond Cait. She was 18 and acted 18. She got drunk and did drugs and fucked guys and didn't read much and listened to country music. BUT her grammar was impeccable and her personality was addictive. I began to shower more, I lost weight, I dressed nicer. She liked me, I liked her. But she had a boyfriend in boot camp and I knew in the back of my mind that this was going nowhere, but I loved spending time with her. She was cute, she could hold a conversation and she made me smile.
But I expect too much and got too offended when it all didn't go my way. But that was only round 1 of 3 for the year of 2009.

2. Amanda
This is round two and was an act of desperation. Not only did she not fit my physical standards, but she didn't fit my intellectual standards either. But in a haste, I asked her out and she began sleeping over every night. And it didn't take long for me to realize that she was not for me, but too be fairly honest, I'd never broken up with anyone before so I did not know what to do. So I let it drag on for a month (we dated for roughly a month and a half).
She was supposed to go to my cousin Ryan's wedding with me in the beginning of September, but I couldn't let it drag that far, I didn't want her there, she wasn't for me at all. So I did a really dick thing and broke up with her via text. It's not that she didn't try or she didn't the best she could, but it would have never been good enough for me.

one more to go and I think the most crucial on the year.

3. Jackie
Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. I had always thought she was cute. So one day, I added her on facebook. She had a boyfriend, but whatever. I started commenting on her shit and eventually facebook iming. Which eventually turned into texting. Which eventually turned into me coaxing her into going to the movies with me.
She was smart and cute and read books and listened to good music and could have a conversation with me and on top of it all, she was shorter than me! What else could I want?
We hung out and we went places and we just drove and she went to Wisconsin and she said she was going to break up with her boyfriend and she said she wanted me and she missed me and she said a lot. and I fell for her.
When we held hands, I felt like I didn't have heart in my body because it had floated so high in the sky. We kissed and it was at an awkward time but it was great. And that's where things got complicated.
The boyfriend didn't take the break up the way she had thought and he actually made an effort to change and I became neurotic and crazy and pushed her away and slowly she didn't want to be with me. She didn't want to see me. and more recently not talk to me.

and there it was, I sabotaged what was going to be great. and this is where love leaves me now. It started out as a 14 year old punk with no experience and it has brought me to a 22 year old punk with too much time to think and not enough time to not think.
And while I've been content with life recently, I'm not going to say that I don't want to be in love again. I mean by 3 best friends are all in relationships(two with each other!) and I'm the odd man out. But I think I've give up searching because what's the point? If something falls into my lap, then great, but I'm not going to worry myself to the point of driving myself crazy anymore.
And this is where the whole fate thing comes into play. I truly believe that there is one person out there for me. It's not Emily or Kate or Danielle or Cait or Cait or Ilyssa or Courtney or Amanda or Jackie(if it was anyone of them, would things have gone the way the did, but who knows?). Maybe it's someone I've never met or someone I don't realize. But, my time will come and why can't I enjoy life in the mean time?
What's the point of being sad all the time?
none.
Things can get me down, but I refuse to stay there, I always get back on my feet.


I know this blog has focused mostly on the trials and tribulations of my love life and I'm sure it usually will, but that's who I am. I'm a romantic. and It's a curse I'm learning to accept, as fucking stupid as that sounds. So I really don't where to go from here, so I guess I'll just see what the future brings.

whatever happens, I'm not going anywhere

Friday, February 5, 2010

some things and some other things

so scott and i started a "band". beer friends. it's fun.
besides that i met someone...well not really met, but rather reintroduced. so we'll were things go...


either way my good mood isn't going anywhere and your petty, childish bullshit is not going to bring me down. so act like a kid and i'll be fine either way....or rather, i guess act your age, right?